Emmett Montgomery

Teller of Jokes, Maker of Things

• Joke Church

• Joke Church with Emmett Montgomery from

  Sometimes I have so much sharing inside me, I just have to let it all out.

• Happy Holidays

• The Holidays are upon us and I wish everyone well. Please enjoy this christmas card made by artist and animator Mark Allendar AKA Pastey Boy. It is my honor to be the voice of the Christmas tree and I hope it fills you with Christmas spirit.

• The Phrase Off! Ross vs. Dan

• “The phrase off” is a jokewriting competition in which two competitors are given the first half of a phrase and a few hours to finish it. A panel of audience judges decides which phrase is funnier in a best 3 out of 5 competition. My good friend Chas and I came up with the idea during a night out when Chas stated how lazy his dick was. We went back and forth for hours

  My dick is so lazy…

  it got fired from a blowjob

  it gets a soft on

  it doesn’t nail chicks but occasionally it thumbtacks a girl

  …that is how lazy my dick is.

  after hours of this we came up with rules and I started hosting “phrase offs” around town and at Laffhole.

  They are always a good time please enjoy this example featuring comedians Ross Parsons and Dan Carroll.

• Jokes from Planet Nightmare- Teddy Bears

• Nocturnal Teddy Bear Visitation from Emmett Montgomery on Vimeo.
  Occasionally people ask me where I get my jokes from. I don’t really have an answer. The most plausible explanation is that there must be some strange planet out there sending me signals from space. “Joke from Planet Nightmare” is a work in progress based on this idea. This would be one of those signals. My good friend Chas Roberts made this video staring the much loved teddy bear with spider legs using my words and drawings.

• jokes from a younger man… Home Invasion

• home invasion
  
  Years ago there was a series of break ins in my apartment complex. My roommate actually walked in on a transient attempting to rob us. The only thing he had found of value to steal was a Neil Diamond album and a half pouch of rolling tobacco. I am glad he didn’t mess with our furniture. I don’t know what we would have done without our milk crates.

• More moving pictures