I would like to apologize about the lack of updates on the site over the last couple of months. Shortly after the Bridgetown Comedy Festival I was working on a new routine inside my practice box and managed to get locked inside for several months. Fortunately I was able to continue performing but the internet connection inside the box was pretty awful. Now that I have escaped please enjoy this recording of one of my sets from the box and expect more posts about the past few months and what is happening in the future.

This will be the third year in a row that something wonderful will happen to Portland this spring. There will be a festival that will take over the Hawthorne street and over a hundred talented people will mingle and perform. It is something special. Some of the comics are nationally known, others nobody has heard of, but all of them are awesome. This festival has a special place in my heart, not only because it is where I was able to work up the courage to ask my wife to marry me last year but because it is an awkward circus of dreams that celebrates the thing that I feel I was made to do. I am looking forward to the great performances and the fellowshipping with people I don’t get to see enough of. I am glad to be part of this. If you have the ability to make it to Portland this is something you should do. If you happen to attend, find me, high fives and hugs will be on me.

The past two months have been a strange journey for me. I feel like I have been neglectful in my communication with the outside world. Most of my time has been dedicated to making puppets. Today I hang them up at the wonderful Faire Gallery Cafe/Wine Bar.

I am excited to get them out of my house and help them find homes. I only have so many hands and they need a lot of love.

It will be nice to see you at the opening reception this friday, there will be a cheese plate and slide guitar by Kyle Moseby. If you can’t make it swing by the gallery they are nice there.

“Making Friends” puppet art by Emmett Montgomery

opening reception:

Friday, March 26, 2010

7pm-11pm

Faire Gallery

1351 e olive way, Seattle WA 98122

exhibition runs from 3/22-4/18

Joke Church with Emmett Montgomery from

Sometimes I have so much sharing inside me, I just have to let it all out.

We all come from different backgrounds and have different holiday traditions. I would like to share something from my culture that I recite every Christmas Eve and let you all know that you will all be in my thoughts tonight.

Oh One in red, oh sainted One,

as you sit upon your icy throne atop the world with your book of judgement open before you,
may you find our names amongst the pages of the righteous and not amongst the pages of the wicked.

Oh One in red, oh bearded One,

as you descend upon us through the cold night air in your chariot drawn by horned beasts with your satchel full of wondrous devices made by the tiny hands of strange and crooked angels,
may you give us the gift of your blessings and not the gift of brimstone, the mark of damnation.

Oh One in red, oh mirthful One,

as you walk through the places of fire and into our homes and stand above our sleeping forms, having dined upon our feeble offerings of milk and sugared cakes,
may you leave our heads uncrushed and our bones unbroken and our bodies unmolested.

Amen

I sincerely hope you all have a great day tomorrow and that we all survive the night.

Happy Holidays

The Holidays are upon us and I wish everyone well. Please enjoy this christmas card made by artist and animator Mark Allendar AKA Pastey Boy. It is my honor to be the voice of the Christmas tree and I hope it fills you with Christmas spirit.

I will be hosting 4 shows as part of the Holiday Triple Header at Annex. The Comedy Fist Fight will be an evening of phrase-off’s involving Seattle’s amazing performance community along with prize give-aways and other nonsense. It will be wedged between a puppetshow and a play about a gang war between nuns and priests. Good times will be had.

“The phrase off” is a jokewriting competition in which two competitors are given the first half of a phrase and a few hours to finish it. A panel of audience judges decides which phrase is funnier in a best 3 out of 5 competition. My good friend Chas and I came up with the idea during a night out when Chas stated how lazy his dick was. We went back and forth for hours

My dick is so lazy…

it got fired from a blowjob

it gets a soft on

it doesn’t nail chicks but occasionally it thumbtacks a girl

…that is how lazy my dick is.

after hours of this we came up with rules and I started hosting “phrase offs” around town and at Laffhole.

They are always a good time please enjoy this example featuring comedians Ross Parsons and Dan Carroll.

Seattle’s Annex Theatre is one of my favorite places to perform. When they asked me to take part in Not Pants!, a story telling showcase with a story of its’ own, I was delighted.

I will be telling true stories of my youthful misadventures on the Friday the 13th and Friday the 20th that may or may not involve witchcraft, my deflowering and the KGB. Each show will have a handful of some of Seattle’s finest performers. Please consider attending and supporting live performance.